You know, this crazy tormenting, yet beautiful feeling...

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You know, how we all doodle. Scribble. Maybe not all of us. Not even most of us. Barely some of us. Actually, I feel like it's just me. You know, It's 2:25 a.m right now and I can't fall asleep. This has been going on for some weeks now. I never know when I fall asleep but I know definitely I am always awake till two and some more. I don't know how much more. Maybe a minute. An hour. Tick tock. Anyway, that's not the point. Actually, even I don't know what my point is. If you are reading this while you have a reminder set at the back of your mind for something to do, I suggest you stop reading. Because, as far as I can tell, this is a SELFISH POST. It's not about self improvement. It's not about some trick or tutorial or experience. This is just a written record of RIGHT NOW. It's not even a post. It's like journaling. But this is not a journal. I wouldn't let my journal go public. Or maybe, I just did. 

This post maybe one of those that are totally crap. But this is what's in my mind all the time. Thoughts. Thoughts winded up in each other. No beginning nor an ending. Hell! I can't even trace it's pathway. It just surfaces and before I can give it a thought, there's next one fading away so I am rushing and trying to get the thought that I almost lost. Does this happen to anybody else? Just crazy haphazard thoughts and words and crazy things bubbling in your volcanic head? Nowhere to lead and unknown beginning? I don't talk much because most of the time because I am thinking of stuff. Other stuff. Weird stuff. Stuff like this. Like just blabbering on. I don't know what these thoughts are? Why we keep thinking even if we don't want? Like it's not gonna be a extra credit for job CVs right? Can't even seem to remember these scattered thoughts in some hours. Baseless thoughts. Thoughts that just take you deeper into thinking. I just realized while I was "whatever-I-am-doing-now", writing makes this more disciplined. More tolerable. But "tolerable" is an unkind word to use. Because, these are my thoughts. They are probably different from you. Maybe the same. But we'll never tell. And so, we shall never know. And until we know, let us believe these thoughts are to one their own. Love them and pretend they are what makes us pristine. Starkly different and yet all the same.

 I am not feeling sleepy. It's 2:40 and 3:00 scares me. Too many horror movies have I watched. Let me go back to the cacophony. The comforting cacophony. 

xoxo